when a roadmap forward creates chaos for the wedding industry and the couples that are simply trying to get married

The day after what would have been our 2nd scheduled wedding date, the government announced a “roadmap” showing when restrictions will be lifted at various milestone dates. On the surface this sounds like good news (yay we can start planning again with some form of certainty!) but as it turns out, this threw an unexpected spanner in the works.

The spanner was in fact changing expectations from family, in particular, our parents. Whereas before the roadmap, they were more than happy for us to elope at the first possible opportunity once restrictions lifted for weddings, the roadmap gave them a glimmer of hope that there could be something more akin to a wedding. So with the expectations came a new attitude and new demands.

“No you can’t just do an elopement of 5 people, you’ll be allowed 50 guests soon so wait for the full 50 to be allowed” was the first sign of this new expectation. Couple of days later, once we have a new date set, came the directive that “no, you can’t just do the ceremony and not offer refreshments and at least a sit-down meal. It would be disrespectful to the occasion”.

The problem was, the new rules are not so straight-forward. If you want 50 people at a wedding, everyone had to be fully vaccinated so we needed to ask everyone when they will be fully vaccinated. Then some people are not comfortable with attending an event indoors, so we had to think about an outdoor space. As for food, by the time of our new wedding date, restaurants are only allowed group bookings of 30 which is less than the total number of guests. So what happens to the remaining 20 people? Do they have to eat at a separate restaurant? The logistics of trying to organise this is overwhelmingly complex.

It got to a point when, after researching for hours about planning for a garden ceremony with light refreshments on cute table arrangements, I was told to scrap the entire idea and find a rooftop bar with sit-down meal options instead.

My fiancé asked me “so what are we planning here? How is this different to a wedding reception that we were hoping to plan to celebrate with all our guests next year?” I couldn’t quite find the answer. On top of that, I became annoyed at him for asking questions rather than finding solutions, and he became annoyed at me for always talking about wedding planning which has now become a stressful topic. We were both exhausted from wedding planning, having had 2 postponements across 2 years and now dealing with unexpected pressure from our parents to plan something that we didn’t even want in the first place (honestly we were both just happy with an elopement!) That night, I went to bed wondering whether we would even have a wedding at all in the remaining months of 2021.

So, I ended up putting all planning on pause and asking both of our parents to come to an unanimous agreement on a plan forward. After a few hours, I received a surprising message: “whatever you both choose to do, we will support you. If you want to elope, we will support that. If you want to go ahead with a small 50-persons wedding, we will support that too.”

So here we are now, conceding with planning a 50-people small wedding at a rooftop outdoor dining space. We are still waiting for a venue, it is just over 8 weeks from the new wedding date. This will be our 3rd attempt at planning our wedding.

I am hoping that the next time I write to you all here will be when I share some photos from our wedding. Here’s to 3rd time lucky!

xo

A

Promoted during the height of the pandemic, I was catapulted into the virtual world as a “new” manager. Before this promotion, I had been given various informal opportunities to act in a management capacity. However stepping into a management role formally and virtually means there is almost no time for induction, and new challenges may emerge that existing management literature has yet to cover.

I wrote this during my first month of formally being a manager which was a rollercoaster ride, but I was inspired to write this post after reading the book by Julie Zhuo “The making of a manager: what to do when everyone looks to you“, a book that I have consulted almost on a daily basis to help transition as gracefully as possible into being a new manager.

Without further ado, here are the top 3 things I learnt as a new manager, and I hope this will be helpful to you too.

1. “Leading” can be different to what you were expecting, vision and clarity is key
   
   I’m going to start with an aspirational learning which is linked to the concept of “leading”. The term “crisis leadership” has been on my mind since I stepped into a formal management role. While there are a different leadership styles within the concept of “crisis leadership”, I have found the words “vision” and “clarity” resonate most strongly with my natural management style.
   
   Similar to how we look to the government to provide clarity and structure on how we can move through this Pandemic collectively, clarity is important to our team members in moving through their work day. Where once there was space to brainstorm, test our ideas and methods before deciding on a course of action, there is now less time to do so. Psychologically, I found that dealing with the ever changing lockdown restrictions meant that my mind is naturally seeking clarity. What do I need to do? When? How? How we are responding to government announcements right now is very similar to how team members are responding to their manager.
   
   To this end, I have found it useful to adopt simple strategies such as daily check-ins, and end-of-day progress updates or weekly email updates to provide space for communicating with clarity. These simple strategies also allow the team to see: what are the next steps, where are we headed overall and what is on our plate today to get us to where we need to go.
   
   Something else I had to learn very quickly was to back myself, because no many how big or small your project is, leading during a Pandemic means there is no room for self-doubt. Team members look to you for a cause of action, so you need to formulate a vision in mind quickly. From there, break down the vision into actionable steps and start delegating. Where there was room for experiment, trial and error pre-Pandemic, now there is limited time. So the earlier you can learn to back yourself, the clearer vision you are able to provide to the rest of the team.
   
   However, backing yourself does not mean one has to work alone. Rather, I have found that backing myself can mean knowing who to consult, and reaching out for guidance. The difference is in the way I ask for guidance. Where I use to as “what would you like me to do with X”, now I frame my questions as “I’m thinking of doing this with X, what do you think?”
   
   Another unexpected aspect of leadership I found is being a counsel to my superiors. The Pandemic has brought out vulnerabilities and reminded us that we are all human. During this time, I have tried to act as a pillar of strength or a sounding board fo various team members senior to me. As long as this is done respectfully, it is great appreciated by the other party.
   
2. Empower team members through active listening
   
   One of my first new projects is to manage a team of introverts and every morning we meet for a quick 15-minutes daily check-in. One would think, that when a group of introverts are sitting in a meeting, the meeting can be filled with silence that can only be resolved where one member “drives” the conversation.
   
   On the contrary, I found that all I had to do was drive the conversation during our very first check-in where I explained the purpose of the check-in, and set out the structure of how check-ins will be run. From then on, sitting back and giving a brief moment for the conversation to pause can actually empower team members to actively contribute to the conversation.
   
   Boundaries in rank can be blurred when working virtually, so that virtual meetings can feel more like an equal round table. This can also empower team members to be more bold in speaking their views, and all you have to do is consider pausing and giving them time.
   
3. Consider the behaviours to model virtually and setting boundaries
   
   In the office, we can physically observe the behaviours that leaders model. But when working virtually, modelling behaviours means actively communicating and setting boundaries in the virtual office.
   
   One of the first behaviours that I became conscious of was if I stay online past “close of business”, my team members may feel obliged to stay online too. Or if I message a team member during lunch hour, they may feel obliged to respond straight away, or apologise for not responding immediately. This did not sit right with me, as I know the importance of taking mental breaks particular during a time such as a pandemic where we are constantly bombarded with information, emotions and the need to action something ASAP in response to changes. As one team member described to me, “since remote working, it’s like everyone expects you to be on tap”. This is simply not sustainable.
   
   So in trying to actively model different behaviour, I have found it helpful to actively communicate to team members about my boundaries. Saying “have a good evening, I’m logging off now” at close of business is the equivalent of packing your bags and waving goodbye to a colleague in the office. Recognising when someone is on “away” status during lunch-hour, I would send them an email rather than an instant message so they can get back to me when they are back from lunch. I have also restricted myself from responding to work emails on a weekend, no matter how tempted I am to check and respond to emails on a Sunday (it’s so easy right, when you’re just sitting around the house and can pick up your phone or work laptop whenever you like).
   
   Of course, this is dependent upon the urgency of the actual task, and the boundaries may vary day-to-day depending on project needs. But overall, these small acts can help team members understand how to set their own boundaries as well.
   
   *****

Being a “new” manager is not easy, but it is a rewarding transition for any professionals with ambitions of taking their career into future leadership roles. It teaches valuable lessons about decision-making, listening, mentoring, negotiating, finding work/life balance and finding one’s vision which are all important stepping stones in any corporate career.

To those that have read this post as a “new” manager, I really hope this helps you in your transition.

Good luck!

A

a bride’s perspective

So here we are, August 2021. Almost 18 months since COVID first hit Australia and almost 20 months since we got engaged. For someone who only wanted to be at the wedding planning stage for 9 months of their life, our current wedding planning journey has doubled in time and is still going.

If you sense fatigue in my opening paragraph to this post, that would be an accurate description to how I’m feeling about all of this.

Those that have read my first post about wedding planning back in July 2020 will know that we had to reschedule our original wedding date because the city we live in was in the middle of an extended lockdown. Since then, we have been living in and out of lockdowns, and the restrictions placed upon us all have been described as some of the toughest restrictions in the world.

Living in and out of lockdowns means we are forever on a rollercoaster with wedding planning. Some weeks seems super positive, and in fact earlier this year we saw restrictions lift to allow weddings of 300 guests. But now, we are plunged back into lockdown with a race towards mass vaccination. Our new wedding date is 4 weeks away. The anxiety is overwhelming.

Vendors have been extended, new vendors booked and cancelled, as we continue to update friends and family on what our plans are and how we’re feeling. We have dealt with teary parents, disappointed bridal party and groomsmen, sympathy from friends and extended family and even anger and frustration at the situation on our behalf (bless them!)

Mostly, I have dealt with the disappointment in myself for failing to make this event happen. It is a strange thought, I know, to feel responsible for making this happen especially in the COVID environment but for some reason that is the biggest weight I feel on my shoulders as the bride in all of this. I wonder if other brides who are wedding planning during COVID also feel the same.

Anyway, as the situation currently stands, we have progressed from planning for 142 guests to 135 guests, with reduced plans for an intimate wedding of 50 guests, 20 guests, 5 guests and no wedding on the actual day if full lockdown conditions persist. We call these Plans A1, A2, B, C, D and E. To prevent our wedding from becoming a potential super spreader event, we have disinvited majority of our guests until COVID is over and we can throw a big afterparty with everyone in a safe environment. Yes, until COVID is over. Whenever that may be. But certainly hoping it will be sooner rather than later.

Today is Sunday, and I took leave so I could have a long weekend at home to switch off from the world and write. As I listened to the wind outside, and felt the sunshine on my back, I realised that one day I will look back at this chapter and just see it as simply that, a chapter in our lives that we navigated through. Tough times don’t last forever, tough people do.

For now, we stay home, keep planning and hopefully get vaccinated before our big day.

xo

A

a bride’s perspective

I am writing this in the middle of July in 2020. My bridal store called me today and excitedly left a voicemail saying that my beautiful wedding gown had finally arrived after 5 months in the making.

I didn’t call back. In fact, as I thought about heading into the store to collect my wedding gown post lockdown, I felt a sense of dread in thinking about the uncertainty surrounding the future of all weddings in the COVID-19 environment.

My fiance and I had already made the decision to postpone our September wedding reception back in May, when restrictions were starting to ease and things were looking to be heading back to normal…well whatever “normal” was going to look like post-COVID. Realising that it may not be safe to attempt to plan an indoor gathering of 160 people in the year of COVID, we made the difficult yet practical decision to postpone our wedding reception until 2021. Friends and family were supportive, and many agreed with how sensible the decision was.

In June, with restrictions easing even more and restaurants and gyms starting to open up again, we decided to start planning a small ceremony so that we could still get married in September. Then just as things were starting to look up, so did a new wave of COVID-19 cases. All of a sudden, the entire city was plunged back into lockdown again for 6 whole weeks.

Defeated. Deflated. Disappointed. These were some of the words my Instagram network used to describe how they were feeling with the introduction of Lockdown 2.0. None of us had fathomed that we would be back in lockdown again so soon. It was as though Spring was in the air, and flowers had started to blossom, only for a blistering cold front to blow through, destroy all the flowers and remind us that make no mistake, we are still very much deep in the middle of Winter.

So here we are, 2 of 6 weeks into Lockdown 2.0. The cases are still rising, and there is just as much uncertainty about the future as we have ever tried to cope with (well, to date anyway). Weddings are back to 5 people only, and our venue, a global hotel chain, has still yet to decide whether they want to re-open this year.

There is no book to tell me what will happen next, no syllabus to help me find a way forward. Whilst my legal training has taught me to read widely and consider various points of view in order to map out my own way forward, the situation that we find ourselves in now across the globe is, as they say, “unprecedented”. So much so that we cannot help keep using that word even though it does not help us feel any better. Like many brides out there trying to plan a wedding during a Pandemic, I feel that I am simply blindly hoping that we will make it through Lockdown 2.0 by the end of 6 weeks, and have restrictions ease again to allow for a small wedding ceremony.

I wanted to write today to capture this feeling. This sense of trying to find hope when we simply cannot see what the future holds. Collectively we will survive through this, as the statistics show that majority of people do recover from the virus, and history has shown us that previous Pandemics do stop eventually. But right now we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, so we may as well be planning a wedding in absolute darkness.

Some of my friends have commented on how calm I seem in the midst of remaining flexible with our wedding plans. Maybe one day I will look back and fully realise how tumultuous this time was for us all, and especially for brides. But for now, all I can do is stay calm, stay hopeful and keep planning.

xoxo

A

• 

It is currently day 38 of self-isolation / quarantine life for me, here in Australia. Collectively across the country, we have started to flatten the curve and mentally we are adjusting to a new normal of doing everything around the house.

Yesterday, I read an article talking about survey results of the average Australian during COVID-19. It noted, very broadly, that many of us may continue some of the lifestyle habits formed during this pandemic even when we have reached ‘the other side’. This includes more frequent hand-washing and sanitising the home, having a stockpile of essential items at home and spending less money.

Whether we like it or not, the pandemic has definitely changed the way we think and live our lives, and when normality is restored, that normality will be different to the one we had originally envisioned. This led me to think – does a pandemic stop us from living a life of fantasy and pursuing far-reaching goals? In effect, does it stop us from chasing our dreams?

I pose this question because I am part of the dream-chasing generation. A millennial who grew up believing that I can have anything that I want in life, as long as I am willing to pursue it and work for it. An obstacle, such as a pandemic that originated from the other side of the world, would have never crossed my mind as something that would hinder my ability to chase my dreams. But now, it feels that things will be different.

I will use one of my own dreams as an example to illustrate this difference, and that dream is to be a side-hustle entrepreneur. When I use to think about the possibilities of starting a new side-hustle business, the obstacles I foresaw were things like “which platform should I tap into in order to best reach my target market? Is my market saturated, and is what I want to do enough to stand out from the competition? How much money do I need to start this business and can I do this on the side of my job? What about my career progressions, can I have a side-hustle whilst going for promotion in my job at the same time? Will I have enough time for everything when I also want to start a family in the near future??”

Now with COVID-19, my projected obstacles are more akin to this: “how secure is my job in the foreseeable future and post-pandemic? Can I sustain the lifestyle I have been living? Can I still start a business when there is mass unemployment, and people are not in the mood to buy anything other than the basics and the essential? Should I pause any plans until the world has gotten a handle of how we are all going to collectively move forward? How will I and my loved ones move on from this? What are our lives going to look like post-pandemic? What can I do differently today to enable a somewhat smooth transition out of all this?”

Even from this simple example, I can see that my thought pattern has changed. My questions are more grounded, and my thought process is more about job security and stability in life. I can hear the optimists saying “this will pass, it is just another hurdle that we are navigating in life”, but there is just that small part of me that wants to hold back and think “let’s just pause, and wait and see. Maybe this or that will no longer be possible”.

I am not entirely happy about these thoughts, in fact it feels strangely adult to be so practical about wanting to pursue my goals. But maybe this is how my parents or my grandparents (who grew up in poverty) felt when they were younger – that chasing a dream is not something that can be readily realised, and that many factors beyond your own control will influence your ability to chase your dreams. This is a sobering realisation, for a millennial like me. It feels incredibly strange.

Anyhow, I don’t think the pandemic will fully stop us chasing our dreams, but will our dreams look different after the pandemic? Absolutely. As much as we want to go back to the “normal” that we once had before the pandemic, the reality is we are forever changed, collectively, by this experience. Like the many Australians who will carry-forward some of the habits that we formed during this pandemic, our dreams and the steps we take in pursuit of those dreams, will also be changed.

Who knows, maybe this change will be for the better. Maybe we will take more time to map out our plans, and think through the impact of our actions on our own lives as well as on Mother Earth. Maybe we will be more patient, and prepare more back up plans for when things unexpectedly change due to factors beyond our own control. We will wait and see, and in the meantime, I will keep thinking about how to chase my dreams, post-Pandemic.

xo

A

Out at brunch one day, I found myself in conversation with a group of girlfriends about preferred fonts.

“I picked Sans Serif for the font because I thought it looked better printed, but the lawyer in me was battling to go for Serif.”

“Yes I thought Sans Serif was an interesting choice for you! Although I love the look of it as well.”

“Are you a Helvetica person? This will divide you.”

“No I’m not.”

“Omg me either! And I haven’t said that out loud ever!”

“I’m a Futura kind of person.”

“I really don’t have a preferred font.”

Who knew that personalised monogram on a purse would ignite such an animated discussion about fonts!

xo

A

*This post was originally published on my previous blog, Kaleidoscope of Fashion

It is Australia Day long weekend here in Melbourne. Summer is in full swing, the tennis grand finals are on and there is so much to do, see, eat and indulge in. 

Of course, a long weekend also means lots of time with my favourite social media app – Instagram. I am unashamedly an avid user of Instagram, tapping the little purple/orange icon about 5-10 times a day, on average. This is a lot more than how much attention I give to Facebook (about 3 x taps a day) and Twitter (about 1 tap a month unless there’s something really big happening like The Bachelor finale). 

But lately I have found myself feeling increasingly frustrated with Instagram, especially due to:

1. What it does with the content I post; and

2. What kind of content I get to see on my feed. 

The Instagram algorithm – in a nutshell

Many of you have no doubt noticed that Instagram brought out it’s little algorithm feature sometime last year, with the hope of providing users with more “tailored” content. In a nutshell (according to buffer social), the algorithm works off a number of elements, including your hashtags, number of likes and comments, relevance of the content and timing of your post to prioritise and rank your post. The aim is to show content to readers who are more likely to be interested in that content. Thus, a curation of content is already done for you every time you scroll through your feed, and you can spend less time on content that may not be relevant to you, and more time being connected to content that you are actually likely to be interested in. Sounds like a pretty nifty idea! 

I think the algorithm hates me as much as I hate it

Perhaps my biggest gripe with Instagram algorithm is that instead of connecting users with relevant content, the algorithm is taking people away from content that they are interested in. To better illustrate this, let me take you through a few numbers.

Before the days of Instagram algorithm, I did a back-of-the-envelope calc on some of my favourite power bloggers and noticed that about 5% of your total number of followers are likely to engage with your post. That is, if you have 100,000 followers, approximately 5,000 of those followers will like/comment on your post, provided that your post is in line with your branding (e.g. a fashion post linked to a fashion account). 

A more recent back-of-the-envelope calc performed in January 2018 shows that this % of engagement has dropped to about 1% – 2% per post. That is, out of the 100,000 followers, only 1,000 to 2,000 of those followers are liking/commenting on your post. 

Since my Instagram presence is still so tiny, I would be stoked if I had 100,000 followers or even just 1,000 likes on a single post (still yet to hit that record). But the numbers above just seems quite counter-intuitive to me, given that the algorithm was designed to connect readers to content that they are more likely to be interested in. If it was really working, shouldn’t bloggers be seeing an increase in their engagement per post, because their content should be reaching a bigger % of people who are likely to be interested in their content? 

Unfortunately, even as a tiny blogger in the Instagram universe I am experiencing this adverse side-effect of the Instagram algorithm. I am finding it difficult to get my content to a broader group, no matter how many strategic hashtags I use. The only thing that seems to help is if I post consecutively for a few days, then suddenly it’s like the Instagram gods have decided to recognise my existence and put my post in front of a few more people. But then when I go back to life/my day job and haven’t produced any content for about a week, the algorithm ignores me again. 

It’s almost like a dysfunctional co-dependent relationship, “does it like me today? will it still like me tomorrow? how do I get it to like my content again?!” 

But I do love the content it puts in my feed

Having used Instagram for about 6 years now, I love what my feed is showing me every single day. It seems to have me figured out by now, and I can trust that when I wake up in the morning and tap on that little icon, I will be greeted with photos of beautiful fashion illustrations, corporate style inspiration, travel photos taken from all corners of the world, photos of law libraries (because I find giant volumes of neatly organised books very calming) and a little something that makes me laugh. 

But sometimes I do get tired of seeing posts from the same accounts day in day out, because the algorithm works off my “likes” and thinks that if I liked what I saw today, I will like something from the same account tomorrow, or the same for the day after that. But the human mind is a fickle being, and as a millennial with my short attention span, I want variety and lots of it. 

So I go to the Explore page, and am then bombarded with really random content like videos of cute puppies, posts from wedding inspo accounts, posts from other fashion bloggers that I’m not following yet and photos of girls showing off in bikinis. Those first 3 categories I’m totally cool with, but that last category often has me pulling a “bleh” face. Some of those posts are very plasti-cky and really the result of nips/tucks rather than mother nature and good old exercise. Other posts can be quite inappropriate. Clearly, Instagram algorithm thinks it has me figured out, when it really hasn’t. There’s still room for improvement! 

Some of my favourite Instagram feeds: 

Can we outsmart the Instagram algorithm?

The short answer is, YES! But it takes time, or as a seasoned instagrammer describes, a little bit of elbow grease. Actually, until I started researching for this post, I didn’t realise how many other bloggers (big and small) were facing similar frustrations with Instagram algorithm, and the unexpected barrier that it has created for their ability to engage with their audience. 

There are plenty of interesting reads from bloggers from various levels sharing their experience (see for example: icingandglitter who used the algorithm as an opportunity to embrace change, chrislovesjulia who offers pragmatic tips for reflecting on your own instagram behaviour and fashionlush who is adopting an edgy attitude towards beating the algorithm). 

But if you’re like me, an Instagram hobbyist whose day-job does not include posting on Instagram multiple times a day and engaging with followers around the clock, here are my tips on how you can beat the Instagram algorithm (or at least put yourself on its radar): 

1. Establish a frequency for posting 

Publishing multiple post per week, especially one each day and establishing a consistent pattern of it is, from my experience, an effective way to get yourself back on the algorithm. 

But to do this requires planning. Planning out your content, your posting schedule, captions, hashtags etc. 

I find an easy way to do this is to pick a theme for my “grid” and work that theme through my 9 to 12 posts within the “grid”. For example, I’ve been into florals lately because we’ve had really lovely sunny weather, so within my 9 to 12 posts, I want at least a quarter of them to be related to something floral. 

Alternatively it might be worth looking at Instagram scheduling apps that help you “post” at certain times, as well as plan out your grid and see which posts lead to most engagement. I’ll be trying out one called Plann this month so I am really excited to see how this will impact on my Instagram.  

But most of the time, I’m a bit more spontaneous with my posting habits so that it is reflective of real-time activities (but the spontaneity also means that I sometimes compromise on the layout of my grid). It’s all a bit of a balancing act! 

2. Become part of the community 

At its core, Instagram is about building a community. So the basic principles of integrating yourself into a community will help get you on the radar. 

Learn the social norms, find your niche, and start interacting. Leave comments on posts that you like, respond to questions, and if you find content that really inspires you, share the love and express your appreciation!  

3. Produce “worthy” content 

In a social media world, content is king. This is the part I struggle with the most, as my day job in consulting + my night classes in law school give me very little instagrammable materials so I can only think about content in my spare time, especially on weekends. 

But when I do post, I try to make sure that it is worth the effort for both myself and the audience. There is so much clutter on Instagram that generic posts just don’t cut it anymore. I have been tempted at times to just put up something generic for the sake of posting something, and not only do I feel un-inspired in posting generic content, the engagement is very limited as well. 

I know it is anxiety-inducing to watch your Instagram sitting there unchanged because you haven’t had time to produce new content but trust me, in looking at my stats for posts with the most engagement, it does pay off to take time and produce content that is worthy of attention. 

*******************

So here I am making peace with Instagram algorithm, and in the process, learning about how to produce better content and managing my posting schedule. 

What do you think about Instagram algorithm? Love it/hate it? 

Let me know your thoughts in the comments box below! 

xo
A